February 8, 2010

The reason women can’t find a good man

Posted in Uncategorized at 5:35 pm by raymondchang

So, I am now sans, the Dr in my name, but that doesn’t change fact that what I have to say is exactly what YOU need to hear. This is written for the women out there, but men, pay attention to my words, they could be a direct assault on your Neanderthal state of being.

I’ve been in more “relationship” conversations in the last month than in a long while. A part of that could be that most people are just part of a statistical finding that 6 out of every 10 couples will break up in the month of January for phenomenological reasons you can Google; some of which are New Years resolutions, the impending dread of another Valentine’s day with someone you don’t see a future with, the fact that you didn’t want to break up with that hunk that all the other ladies “rawr” about, the uncertainty that comes with a break up, or the simple belief that the someone that you fit better with won’t come around on his white mustang. Whatever the case is, it doesn’t matter because the problem isn’t in what’s out there, it’s you.

Before you get all offended, take a quick inventory of your life and the lives of those around you. How many people in relationships can do ‘better’ than what they’ve got? No, I’m not talking about finding a richer man, a “hotter” man, a more athletic man, or a more sophisticated man (unless if we’re dealing with brutes here), but a man that possesses all the things that matter (trustworthiness, character, humility, consideration, discipline, maturity, emotional intelligence, diligence, etc.). I bet if you are honest with yourself, more than half of the relationships you know of shouldn’t be relationships at all, instead, they should just consider each other friends and part ways as lovers. If you are really honest with yourself, I’d be surprised if you knew more than 1 out of 10 people that were truly in a relationship worth being jealous about, or even better, worth learning from. The reality is, less than 1 out of 100 couples are worth learning from as examples instead of as warnings of the type of relationship to stay away from.

The reason YOU are the problem is because even though you think you want a man, you are looking for a boy. On the most basic level, men AND boys can make the butterflies flutter, but the source of those butterflies are completely different. Boys don’t warrant your affection, but for some reason, because they ignored you after giving you a little attention, didn’t call back, seemed to be unpredictable, or just because they didn’t appear desperate, make you want them all the more. Men actually have a life and an adventure you want to be a part of. The story is filled with productivity, romance, consistency, and novelty, but it’s all substantive; not like the short fuse of a boy that packs a big punch at first then quickly fizzes out once he knows he has you on lock. In other words, boys have a story that revolves around themselves where men have a story that revolve around things outside themselves. The problem is, you can’t tell the difference most of the time and you find yourself feeling the same emotion for both boy and man.

The reason YOU are the problem is because YOU are the one who chooses who you end up with, not the other way around. We live in an age of choice now, we cannot blame our parents for setting us up with another royal family’s daughter for the sake of peace or for the cow that comes as a dowry, instead, we can look at the four fingers pointing right back at us as we try to shift the blame onto someone else. The reason YOU are the problem is because YOU are the one who cannot separate the enjoyment of someone’s company with appropriate boundaries that will more often than not, lead to your attachment to someone, which will ultimately lead to your misery in just putting up with his nonsense and justifying it by telling yourself and everyone else that you love him OR by you having ANOTHER failed relationship notch on your belt.

You need a filter. You need more than a list of things that determines whether or not the person you are with is the person you should end up with. Job, car, house, college degree, good family, faith, etc. are all good things to take a person through the first round of interviews, but certainly not enough to offer them the job. And that’s the thing, if you don’t have a filter, relationships become just that, another job that you hate doing. Don’t get me wrong, I am not so idealistic to say that relationships are without effort and at many times trying, but the truth is, if you are in a trying relationship that is worth the effort, you will find yourself growing. If you can’t see it, ask those closest to you, and if you don’t have someone close to you, go invest in making friends first.

So what goes in a filter? Well, think of it like a Brita water filter, there is not just one thing that the water passes through before it comes out purified enough to drink, there are many layers and stages that each drop of water trickles through. So below is a list of things you should think of…

1. Are you ready for a relationship? I recently heard that the way you end up with your spouse is when you meet the right person, at the right time, the right way. That should also give you enough to think about whether or not you are the right person, at the right time, allowing someone to meet you the right way. Fact is, most people are too selfish to be ready for a relationship, take a good look in the mirror and ask yourself, can I really give up my selfless for romance?

2. What do your friends and family say? When you meet someone, everyone should be in love with them, or at least a good majority of people should be. Ultimately, it boils down to a few opinions that really matter and if you are wise, you would heed their advice. They know you better than your emotional high is allowing you to feel, so get over yourself, brace yourself for the pinch of pain, and just do what you must. If they give the blessing, that’s another filter, but remember, it takes time to get to know someone even though many times, the first impression carries its weight in gold.

3. Does your list match what you REALLY want? Everyone needs a list of non-negotiables. I can tell the quality of a girl by how she lists what is a must, that without, leads to a bust for her. The reality is, the list for most women is as barbaric as the boobs, butt, and face that men have on their list. The first thing you have to do is write out a list, then have both guys and girls that you trust go through it and critique it. Then, rewrite it so it gives you STRONG indicators that can act as proofs that a guy is worth your time.

4. Are you headed the same place? Sometimes, life takes you in different directions, just make sure that if you aren’t headed in the same direction, you know about it before hand OR you change both your lives around so that they are.

5. Are you willing to be what he needs? As you examine the guy, the guy is examining you, and for any dumb witted person, it doesn’t take much to realize that there are growing pains that exist in relationships. If you want to have a successful relationship with someone, you need to grow into each other. That means that there are things about you that will need to adapt to him as well. To think that a man comes “ready to serve” is as foolish as thinking that you are ready for a real man. You cannot be selfish in a relationship with a real man. With a boy you can throw tantrums and get away with it, with a man, you shouldn’t have to throw tantrums to begin with. With a real man, you don’t feel like you are his master, nor his servant, yet you gladly follow him wherever he goes.

Real men exist. Good men exist. The reason you can’t find yourself one is because your filter prevents you from seeing the good men and your insecurities and emotional rashness keeps you in relationships all the time so the window for you to find yourself one is too short. If you think being single for two years is long in this day and age, try and put on your practical hat for a minute and think of how much better your time could have been spent if you were single instead of dating the losers you’ve dated in the past. Now, I’m not saying that everyone you’ve dated is a loser per se, but I bet you out of 5 guys you’ve dated, at least 4 of them are worth the gum that’s stuck to the bottom of your shoe. Sure, you have great memories and learned a lot, but I hate to burst your bubble, you could have had more fun developing friendships that will last you a lifetime and you could have learned just as much by engaging in meaningful conversations, hearing compelling stories, doing a little reflection, and reading a book.

But the past is the past and the future is ahead of us. No need to sulk. Its never to late to be bold and prepare yourself for what lies ahead. My hope for you is that you simply develop the patience, discipline, and the filter to know that something great is out there for you.

February 4, 2010

Reflections in the new year

Posted in Uncategorized at 7:02 pm by raymondchang

I can’t believe its 2010. Is it twenty-ten, two thousand ten, oh-ten, twenty-one-oh? Ah, who gives a damn. By now, I was sure that cars would be flying or at the very least, driving themselves. I thought phones and communication would be holographic, but the closest thing to have a holographic cell phone is my iPhone. I also thought I would’ve made my first million by now, but I am nowhere near that. I am not married, I don’t have kids, and I am still about 65 countries short of having visited my goal of 100 countries by 30. I still have a few years, but 65 countries is a lot to travel in the next 3 years before I hit the ripe young age of 30. The average life expectancy is now around 77 years old, the US is no longer the dominant superpower, and we have a black, well, half-black president. We have lost even greater faith in leadership, our economic strength that was once the thing we found our security in as Americans has failed us, and we are in a time when the class lines (for the developed world at least) have been so blurred that you can live like the wealthy do on the bank’s dime. A lot has changed in the last ten years.

I think of all the change that goes on, the shifting perspectives, the dominant paradigms, the major concerns, and I find myself enjoying the peace of having a constant that through it all, doesn’t rest on my own faulty abilities, but on the abilities of something that has been steady, consistent, and good throughout all of history. It doesn’t take an idiot to see that the world and everything the world puts their hope in changes from minute to minute, eventually leading to a frustration that deduces that “the only thing I can count on is ME!” I think its only natural. After all, we can’t control anything or anyone except ourselves and in order to live life fully engaged is to live life in the areas that we do not have full control. My hope is that I can keep reminding myself that the faulty belief of thinking that I can trust in my ability to control, or losing hope all together isn’t the only way to live.

There is a God I know that regardless of where you stand in life, is calling you to be fully accepted by Him in His care. This God says to you not to fret or worry because at the end of the day, the things you worry about don’t matter so much. The thing He wants you to know is that you are fully accepted in your messed up, perfectionistic, complex, confused, malicious, attention seeking, prideful, and insecure ways. This acceptance is an acceptance that we often feel in moments of perfect peace when we know that everything is going to be ok when it appears that the $#it has hit the fan. You know those times, like when you fell off your bike as a child and scratched you knees when you melt like butter in the arms of your parent as they hold you so protectively in their arms telling you that what seems to be terrible isn’t so bad at all and things will definitely get better. There is a God I know that is constantly saying this and calling each of us into His arms when we feel like scraping our knees, scratching our bike, or getting our bike stolen is the worst thing in the world and reminding us that the only thing that matters is that we are loved.

This has been a great year and I look forward to the rest of it!

September 9, 2009

Is God real?

Posted in Uncategorized at 8:37 pm by raymondchang

A lot of times, we know that God is real, but we don’t feel it. I know that’s the way it is for me often. It’s quite a scary thing to think about – you can do everything ‘right,’ but still feel like you are abandoned by God. Nothing in your life really merits any sort of sadness, emptiness, or frustration, as you are comfortable and living by means that far exceed the majority of the world, but still, you feel like something is missing. It seems as if you don’t feel complete in God.

I find that this dialectical tension between the head and the heart never completely gets reconciled. I remember feeling the same frustration of wanting to be a ‘perfect’ Christian, completely dependent on God when I was a wee little boy, and of course, the more I study faith and the great heroes who have come before me, you realize that there is no end. A part of me chalks it up to the simple reality that we will never accomplish the perfect here on earth, that we will always yearn for deeper intimacy, closer relations, a richer interaction with God, but again, that just doesn’t satisfy me.

I once heard the term holy dissatisfaction and its stuck with me through time. I love the fact that there is a term for how I feel, but I hate the simple fact that the way I feel exists. I just wish I could be completely content with my imperfections, but I can’t. I know God is real, but sometimes, it just doesn’t feel that way.

Then I think of how most people cope: the cross. We look to our past experiences to find comfort in the present, and we look to the future for hope in all God has promised through that. We can see God’s faithfulness in our lives if we really examine our lives carefully. Like Joseph’s life in the Bible, we know that God was with him in everything, but I’d like to wonder if Joseph felt like God was with him at every turn. My guess is not. So, to myself and to everyone else that knows that God is real, but has a hard time feeling it, I pray that we can examine our lives to see His faithfulness in all things.

August 29, 2009

Itinerary for Aug/Sept

Posted in Uncategorized at 4:29 pm by raymondchang

August 31-September 4 :: Marbella, Spain
September 4-September 7 :: San Fransisco
September 7-September 10:: Los Angeles
September 11-September15:: San Diego
September 15-??:: Los Angeles
End of September:: Vietnam

July 21, 2009

Going at it alone

Posted in Uncategorized at 7:01 am by raymondchang

There’s nothing harder than going at it alone. Trust me, I’m there and feel like I have been for quite some time. I don’t know what it is, maybe it’s my pride, maybe it’s insecurity, maybe it’s just the fact that there is no one I feel like I can quite connect with, but this journeyman, is on the road… solo. The sad part is, I feel like I’ve been running solo for a long time – yearning with all that I am to go as deep as humanly possible, but constantly disappointed by the results. You want to dig to find the opening to the beginning of the end, but all you find is a dead end.

Today, I seriously gave some thought to my faith. I always think of faith, but some days, its just a lot easier. The thing about faith is that you can think about a million things from a million aspects, and they can all be true, but for some reason, seem to lack relevance. The thing about faith is that when you find the aspect of faith that is relevant to you, it can be mind blowing. Unfortunately, I failed to find that relevant factor in my thoughts, and instead, spent about an hour video chatting with a friend in Virginia and playing Flight Control on my iPhone. I drew a conclusion that faith leaves people coated with uncertainty, yet able to rest on certainty. It’s like a car; the ground it drives on is sturdy (certain) where as the car itself is full of uncertain possibilities. I want to find a place where my heart is at peace with the sturdy road…

And that’s the problem: I am in a state of flux. Deciding not to take the job and take the route of being a pure entrepreneur is no joke. I feel like I am all alone in this world with no one to walk with, talk with, share with, and be with. People surround me, but no one engages me. Nothing against the people in my life, but I need someone that hits the spot in terms of relevance to what I am dealing with. I was talking to my sister about the lack of depth people in California (and most of the world have) in regards to the care they have towards faith, morality, relationships, and purity… it’s just sad how loose we are with what we consider as ok and how much we care about harmony, that we compromise purity for it.

But yea… I’m on this road, all alone… no matter how loud I shout, I fear that no one can hear the cry of my voice as it takes someone to listen with keen ears and a sacrificial heart. I know I sound selfish and infantile, but I think that’s what we all want at the end; someone to care so much about us that they would walk on burning coals to reach us and be with us, whether its a friend or a lover. We all yearn for a connection that goes beyond the measure of words and the comprehension of logic. I need Jesus to be real right now more than ever or someone to help me experience God in a refreshing way…

Walk with me Lord, as I am blind and stumbling across throngs of thorns and a field of landmines. Protect me, and let me feel your presence near to me.

One life… struggling to make sense of it all.

July 17, 2009

I Can’t Wait

Posted in Uncategorized at 11:27 pm by raymondchang

I can’t wait… until the sun comes up on a new day… until the watermelons and strawberries ripen… until I see that ever present smile on my mom as she lovingly looks at me… until I lose my belly and get a six pack… until my next bite of Toro fatty tuna followed by coconut macadamia crusted cheesecake from Extraordinary Desserts… until I get my master’s degree… until I become financially wealthy… until I listen to another symphony orchestra… until I go to the beach again… until I make my way up to Napa… until I get that new app on my iPhone… until I don’t have to look before I leap… until I can run 5 miles without getting tired… until I find someone that is willing to go deep with me… until I change my neighborhood, my city, the world… until people start caring more about others… until I start caring more about others… until I smell the honeysuckle… until I share a glass of wine with a good friend… until I take another trip to another place in the world.. until faith makes more sense than it does now… until Jesus becomes more real to the world… until God gets His glory.

July 2, 2009

First Post Back from the Peace Corps

Posted in Uncategorized at 2:11 am by raymondchang

I’m back. I’ve said it so many times now, but here I am actually writing about it. I have now been back for 2 weeks.
It’s weird how quickly I learned to readjust. No culture shock whatsoever. I expected there to be some residual shock from all that I experienced: dengue, floods, diet, 100% humidity, spiders, snakes, cockroaches, etc. but there was nothing at all. Instead, I just went back to life as usual as if I never left.

Still haven’t seen many people trying to work through family stuff. Not really fun, but so goes life. Anyway, going to Santa Barbara to go wine tasting tomorrow and from there, celebrating the 4th with some friends in Hermosa Beach. Who knows what happens from then on…

May 10, 2009

27.5: The Power of Voice

Posted in Uncategorized at 12:07 am by raymondchang

I am going to say something bold. But then again, you have probably already grown accustomed to my outrageously bold statements anyway, so here I go:

The problem with the poor, isn’t with the poor, but with those who suffocate the voices of the poor.

There are some serious implications to this statement. First of all, it assumes that the poor aren’t poor simply because they are lazy, stupid, or just plain unassertive; it does the opposite (without ruling out that they may display those attributes). Secondly, it gives responsibility to those who have the ability to facilitate changes, something I have grown increasingly convinced of during my service with the Peace Corps.

So, what am I trying to say?

People excel in systems that are designed to help them excel, not to cut them down in a sort of competition that intends to kill opponents. I remember hearing once that competition didn’t mean defeating the opponent, but making the opponent better as they make you better. The difference between the two is an attitude shift. One is intended to stunt or prevent the growth of another, the other is to endorse it, to facilitate it. What I am trying to reconcile however, is the idea that a personal drive to succeed will motivate people to become the best in their field, however, it is only in cooperative helping of one another that we can accomplish a level of group success. After all, do we really want to be tyrants in a world where relationships are the ultimate key to happiness?

So what am i trying to say on my soap box? Well, first of all, the poor shall be held responsible for their own actions, however we, as people who have the fortune of options cannot ignore that in lieu of our passion to succeed, we push others down instead of creating spaces for them to rise up – and that is precisely the problem the poor face the most.

As I live poorly with the poor, I find myself in a position where I am forced to listen, and that’s where I think it all begins. Yes, they are not the most polished of public speakers, nor do they always know how to deliver messages effectively as they stand on their own soap box as if they were filibustering congress, however, if we take the time to listen, we will find out that they have intelligent arguments that make sense and solutions that might create a positive outcome. As one friend said, the problem with the poor isn’t that they exist, but that they are concentrated in masses. Now, I don’t completely agree with that, I do agree that if the problem the poor creates is in their concentration, I do think that we need to look to create openings and spaces for them to be productive.

Ah whatever… It’s time for me to just take a breather… let’s talk about this sometime. What do you say?

April 26, 2009

25.5: Reconsidering the consequences of community

Posted in Uncategorized at 2:33 am by raymondchang

I never understood half of what the Beatles sang about, but I always appreciated their music. Their use of abstract analogies and their references to historical or personal events seem to allude me constantly. I just don’t really connect to music like so many people I know do. Either way, I still appreciate the music as my feet brush across the pavement on my iPod.

I can’t stop thinking about community. I wonder how many other people are out there wondering about the implications and consequences that community has on lives and the world. The more I think about the idea of community, the more I find myself growing in my obsession of it. Its one of those things that whether we choose to acknowledge its importance, we will have to face the realities that whether we accept shallow community or put enormous efforts into deep communities will make a significant difference in our lives – as well as those that we are connected to (and remember, we are all only separated by 6 degrees).

So community, how would one define it? After all, our definition of one thing will determine how it plays out in our lives – especially if we have an internal locus of control where we believe that to some degree that we can create our environment through our effort. I believe that community today, as accepted by most people, is nothing more than people experiencing stuff together. It doesn’t have to go much deeper than dinner, a shopping trip, a day at the beach, a hike up a mountain, or going to an event together. Heck, if you know someone slightly more than that, you can just do the same things for several consecutive days and laugh at the various experiences and humorous thoughts that people have. However, I think that we sell ourselves short when we do so.

I’m obsessed with John Piper and Tim Keller. Anyone who has more than 10 conversations about my Christian faith will quickly find out that I would gladly marry either of them (even though they are old, balding men). I am totally straight, but I find their depth incredibly sexy. In fact, I almost asked Tim Keller if I could rub his belly and kiss his head. I refrained myself because I thought myself to be a little intoxicated by the message he gave when I visited Redeemer Presbyterian Church in New York. But one thing I constantly hear them challenging people to do is to think deeply. They want people to have substance to their life as a whole – from the emotional, to the mental, to the spiritual. After all, what good is it if we are like the weak branch that just blows with the wind; we must thrive to break the wind as the wind is fickle and does not know itself where it wants to go. A lot of people tend to think that faith equals the dismissal of reason, study, meditation, historical analysis, and deep thought, but that is just a contextual assessment, not the prescribed norm. A slogan I like is from Apologetics.com where they “challenge believers to think and thinkers to believe.”

And that is what I feel like is lacking from our communities today. Living in LA (or most of the developed world), it doesn’t take much to realize that we have choices. We have the opportunity to meet so many new people that people have become disposable in this world to us. Think about the divorce rate and it doesn’t take much to be convinced. Everyday in LA, as you walk the streets, listen for the buzz, or go online to Metromix or Goldstar, it isn’t hard to find new places to meet new people. I went online once for speed dating events in LA and in one week, I calculated that I could meet 300 people if I worked the scene diligently. Just take 10% of that and you still have 30 people! On top of that, you can find interest groups – almost like sub-culture cults within any major city. People with a certain type of car can find a race club, there are motorcycle clubs for those who like everything from Harley’s to Hondas, there are dance studios for the beginner to the expert, the art scene is open for people to join its circle, religious circles are always looking for people to join their congregation, and the list is endless. The options for community are beyond measure and if you want to go a step further, there are denominations of each thing. Take a look at the amount of car clubs out there or denominations of churches within Evangelical Christianity (although with Christianity, I do think that the priority should be based on Truth). The options are limitless.

In Panama with the Peace Corps, you get the total opposite affect. Living in a small village, you can’t escape the community you are a part of. If there is anything I do, the entire town knows about it by the evening. Goodness forbid that I fall on my butt while walking through the mud or fall off a bike, the gossip chain is unforgiving and I will hear about it for the rest of my time there. “Ray, do you remember when you fell off the bike into a puddle of mud and it looked like you pooped your pants? Ha! That was a funny day, Ray!” But as much as it can get annoying, there is something incredibly beautiful about it. People aren’t focused around events so much as they are focused on people. In LA, events keep us busy (we meet based around things to do), but in my village in the Peace Corps, we meet based on who will be there. There is nothing that goes on anywhere without me hearing about it from 10 people before I hear about it from the person that it happened to – unless if it happened to be me. Its to the point that family consumes several hours of the day, no, it consumes the majority of the day. The amount of time parents spend with their children here would be unheard of in the US (except with homemakers). On average, I estimate that the family will spend at least 8 hours a day together in the same physical space. If you spend 8 waking hours with anyone, you are forced to interact with them. That interaction benefits people because it causes them to become people centered instead of event centered.

Think about the last time you went out? In America, we have a fascination with going to places like baseball games, going out to eat dinner, going to clubs where you can’t hear people talk, or watching a movie. The sad thing is, the same spirit exists in my village. They try to find things to keep themselves occupied from being bored. How do I know this? One guy said it best when I asked him why he got married so young, “I was just bored and thought I might not be if I was with someone.” I recently asked someone from the US how many deep friendships she had, and the amount of them shocked me. We discussed the definition of deep friendships and when we were both satisfied with what we considered to be deep, she said, “Zero.” What am I trying to get at?

We lack depth in relationships. I hesitate to call it intimacy, because even the word intimacy doesn’t quite capture it – although only 2 in 10 couples really reach a level of intimacy that both are satisfied with in marriage (no wonder people are getting divorced!). The difference between intimacy and depth is that intimacy is subjectively objective where depth is objectively objective. Two shallow people may find each other and go as deep as they have ever gone before and consider that intimacy, but if you think and pry hard enough, you will be quick to determine that they are not deep. Depth is objective in every way, and we know that because depth can be tested – especially through time. Depth is the ability to think beyond the experiences and the fun stuff of life, the emotional stuff of life, and the hard stuff of life, and find the objective meaning behind it all. In other words, we have to find a reason that supersedes reason in everything. This can only be done through a measurement of depth that everyone would agree upon, and that includes the agreement of the really deep people. We are not deep if the really deep people don’t think we are.

But can we live without being deep? Of course! Most of the people that live are like that. They aren’t rooted so they sway. Or they are so defensive and rooted in themselves that they never really let anyone in. Either way, they lose the end game because they never experience the freedom of peace that the ability to breathe lets you have. The thing about depth is that it allows us to grow thick roots and thick trunks. It allows us to weather the storm and control the hurricanes of our lives. It guides us and helps us not make the silly mistakes that we shouldn’t make, and the mistakes that we have no control over, we learn to quickly rise from them. It shows us that life has meaning and always keeps us finding unique expressions of that meaning. We discover truth, love, and hope in something we may not have thought existed in the past. But most importantly, it teaches us to love others as a person worth an infinite amount. It gives us the ability to put ourselves aside and put the other person ahead of us. It helps us to be the challenge to the world to be better, to love better, to help, and to lead. Depth creates a hunger for more of the good, wisdom, and truth. Depth develops into a love that goes beyond what we see today.

We need depth in community. I think about the differences and similarities in my community here and my life in the US. There isn’t much. In the US, we have options so we have no excuse because we can find people who really “fit” us well. Here, we don’t have a choice but to focus on people, but even then, we try to find other points of focus because, well, depth takes tremendous effort. I want to see people move towards a love that only comes from reaching deep into truth and extracting everything that it has to offer. Then, I want to see it exhibited in love and service to other people. What do you say? Anyone with me?

One life, trying desperately to make it deeply count.

April 9, 2009

23.5: Blogging is an art

Posted in Uncategorized at 4:21 pm by raymondchang

Ok, so I just buzzed through my friend Jeannie’s blog and I will have to comment that BLOGGING IS A FRICKIN’ ART. I don’t know what it is about good bloggers, but one look at a good blog, you find that yours pales in comparison. I was enamored by her wit and charm for pages upon pages as she expressed her love for Jay-Z, comfortable Pajamas, yarn colors, and Moby. When I returned to write this, I felt like a fumigated weed trying to survive through a storm of herbicide. Snorrrrrrrrre…

So, I’ve been in my site for about 2 weeks straight without leaving to take a day trip and I’ve hit the time where the world seems to be shrinking in and collapsing onto me. I literally have jungle fever – but substitute jungle for banana.

Before I left Chicago, I downloaded a whole bunch of movies and TV shows, courtesy of my friend Daniel’s roommate, John. I actually just uploaded them onto my computer from data CD’s he’s compiled and it was great. I downloaded a bunch of Curb Your Enthusiasms – seasons 1 – 5 – and the more I watch the show, the more addicted I get, and the more I find myself acting like Larry David (NOT a good thing). I’d not want to know the guy because of his crass inappropriateness, but watching him struggle to get out of uncomfortable situations only to find him in deeper and more awkward situations is pretty funny. I frickin’ love that show.

But I must say, I am an addict. I am an addict to running. I still hate it with all my guts, but I enjoy the feeling I get after I run. Two days ago, I ran for 32 minutes straights. I’ve NEVER done that ever before in my life. And since I run about the same time everyday, the political representative generally drives by as I am running and with his entourage, they stick their hands and heads out the window and holler at me while flicking their wrists like I am doing something incredible. Needless to say, it gives me a slight boost of energy to go a few more minutes than I usually would. For some reason though, my ankles and calves hurt more than anything. I don’t know why, but I just can’t seem to shake the pain. I stretch, and do all sorts of different things, but yea, can’t shake it. Got any suggestions?

Ok, time for me to get on to some work. Teaching kids how to be better people today and tutoring a girl in English before she heads off to college in Veraguas. Yea~

One life. Running to make it count.

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