Well, it´s official.  This past week, I have had more internet than I have had fruit.  Oh how I miss mangos, crisp apples, sweet cherries, and red red strawberries.  What I wouldn´t do for a nice steak from Mastro´s or Morton´s, a meal at the Hobbit or Roy´s, or even an In-and-Out Burger.  Frick. 

Today, we spent a few hours trying to get an understanding of the bus system, which from what I hear, we will be using quite a lot.  I also found out that I will be going to the Azuero region this week from Thursday to Monday to visit a current volunteer.  My APCD (boss) said that it takes about 4 hours to get there from our training site.  This region is supposedly the most authentic in terms of culture and tradition and the place that gets down hard during carnaval. 

Everyday, I fight with myself to find reasons to stay when an escape is so easy – to resolve to stay is so much more incredibally difficult than to say I want to go home.  But daily, I also find reasons to stay, to struggle through the difficulties, and to find myself at the end of another day, grateful for an opportunity.

Here comes another week… sweat, sickness, and sweltering heat, here I come.

One life.  Making it count.

Well, to much surprise, our Friday was spent in air conditioning.  This has been by far the greatest luxury of our time here.  I woke up a little groggy, with a headache, and a backache from the springy (more like spikey) mattress and by 7:45a forced my way to the local bus stop to get on a bus to go to a city about 40 minutes away for training.  From 8a-5p we sat in training and some people wanted to hang themselves, while others seemed to be pretty actively engaged.  I´d say that I enjoyed parts, but some parts got old fast as we went over the material about 200 times now in our 11 days together since Miami.

I can´t believe that it´s only been 5 days since we´ve been to our training site.  Its crazy to think about.  But I want to tell those who wrote me e-mails and told me that letters were on their way how much they give me hope, reason, and life in this difficult time as a trainee.  Everyday, I wonder to myself if I made the right choice, if I should go back home and work in comfort there, where I have no fears of sitting on a dirty latrine pit or sleeping on a smelly bed.  And everyday, I come to the conclusion that the things I have a hard time adapting to are the very things that I would speak and preach against – that is, a selfish narcissistic pursuit of arbitrary luxuries that only separate humanity further than we already are.  Yes, stripping myself of physical comforts is not something that I can say that I enjoy learning firsthand, but it is something that I feel like I am living in integrity with. 

My hope in writing this down is so that others too, may find comfort in the reality that the master pursuer of comfort (me) has chosen voluntarily, to sacrifice two of his prime years to live in conditions that are significantly less than what he is used to.  The life of luxury is no more, and my reasons to give as I earn are been stripped, slowly.  For those of you who read, maybe a good question to ask yourself is how am I suffering for others?  For as a Christian myself, it is a great certainty that when you suffer for and with others, you gain a much needed influence and authority in their lives.  As Christ did, I do as well (except what I do is nothing compared to what He has and continues to do).

Tomorrow, we meet with our training community´s local groups (ranging from youth groups, agricultural groups, religious groups, to educational groups) and will find ourselves seeing how we can assist a group during our training period.  Then on Sunday, they have us navigating around the city on our own.  An exercise that I am looking forward to with much anticipation. 

From there, next Thursday, we leave to visit current volunteer communities and to hang out with them to glean from their experiences on year into their own service.  I will hopefully get to update you with all of that soon.

Mom and Dad, I can´t tell you how much I miss you.  This experience is definitely different from living in Guatemala, China, Hawaii, and Spain by myself since I don´t have regular access to you, whom I find much joy and comfort.  My prayer is that you will continue to remain strong and keep my group in your prayers.  My hope is that you will continue to find success in your businesses.  And my greatest aspiration is that you will find joy and wisdom behind every decision and experience.  I love you both.

Amy, I miss you so much.  I can´t wait until you call.  Everyday, I look through our pictures and wish that I could be there to hear your stories from work, talk about life, and take you out to eat.  One day soon, we will be able to share a million and one stories together from opposite ends of the earth.  Be faithful and strong, trust in God, and be a light.  I love you and miss you so much!

Friends, thanks for the e-mail.  When I get the time to write each of you individually, I will.  But for now, please know that the little messages and the little things that you are doing are fuel to my soul.

Abbi and Stephen, today (I believe) is your wedding day.  Throughout the day, I have been praying for you, and finding joy for you.  I hope that you were able to receive my video message and able to play it during your wedding as you requested – what an honor it was for you to keep me involved during my absence.  Please keep God at the front end of all things, find little things to love and appreciate about each other, and enjoy the finer things of life as I enjoy the simple things.  Be blessed, I hope everything went well and that your day was FULL of laughter, love, and life.  I love you both. 

WRITE ME!!!! ***
Peace Corps/Panamá American Embassy
Raymond Chang
Edif. 104, Ave. Vicente Bonilla
Ciudad del Saber, Clayton
Ciudad de Panamá
República de Panamá

MY PHONE NUMBER FOR THE NEXT 2 YEARS…

Skype me or buy a phone card and call me after 5p Panama time.
011-507-65367000

So, I have settled in for a few days and am having a hard time clicking away at this computer.  With our Spanish classes, we came out to a local city (2 hours on the bus) to get a feel for what the bus rides would be like.  They remind me of days in Guatemala and China when we would take the bus from place to place.

Every morning, I wake up at 7:20a to go to my Tech class with 17 others.  We all work together to learn about the job and sit through about 4 hours of lecture.  Our classes are in a grass hut on top of dirt called a rancho.  We all return home for an hour to eat lunch, then from 1-5p we are in Spanish class.  My class is four people, all who most recently came from California.

Its both easy and hard to adjust to this new life.  The physical discomforts affect everyone, and I am having a hard time really getting used to going to the bathroom when gekkos, cockroaches, and flies love to congregate around you.  Yesterday, while sitting on the cement hole above a hole in the ground, a cockroach thought it would be funny to crawl around my butt in my state of helplessness.  I didn´t appreciate it.

My host family feeds me well, though I know that others do have it pretty good.  I´d say I´m towards the middle of the road in living conditions; maybe a little below that even.  We have limited running water and I have to stay fresh by hoping that we have enough water in our buckets by nighttime.  But I don´t know many people who have the privilidge of taking a shower under a star lit sky at night.

I can´t believe its only been three days.  It seems like we´ve been here for a year already.  Busy, and as the days are going fast, the moments go extremely slow.

Write me…leave a comment…

panamaraymond@gmail.com

Welp, yesterday was an interesting day.  We finally had our volunteer site visit where we visited current volunteer sites.  Our group (CED – community economic development) went about two hours away to a volunteer that works in a town of 1500 people with a womens cooperative.  She also works at the school with pre-kindergarden and has worked to raise funds for a library in the town.  In the town, about 3 km away, there is an archeological site where we saw some human flesh and bones that were dug up.  Apparently, National Geographic is working to dig up some of the sites there.

For lunch, we had arroz con pollo which was fantastic, and we are now back in town to eat dinner and get ready to leave for training tomorrow.  But the day filled my soul with many thoughts…

This is going to be a two year camping trip.  I have never gone camping, and in my 25 years of existance, I had always planned on avoiding it at all costs.  Now, I am at a place where I will be camping in mosquito infested grounds for the next two years.  Its insane to think about how much I am addicted to the physical comforts of life.  Hopefully, they will have mercy on me and place me in a spot that isn’t too extreme.  Hopefully, I can endure through the process of easing myself into this horrid humidity, climate, and heat.

I am here to serve is what I keep telling myself as I take each day by the horns.  I am doing my best to make sure that I have a positive attitude to keep the group pumped up.  They, like every group, have eased into each other, sort of feeling out the group and practicing well the dialectics of certainty and uncertainty.  Its fun to watch some of their discomforts in the group dynamics as well as their joys when they get to share their passions. The group is a solid one with gifted people.  They come from diverse backgrounds with diverse interests and its fun to watch and be a part of the exchange as they show more of who they are to the rest of the group.  Some are definitely more serious than others, but its an entertaining group to be around.

Today, we are leaving for our training site which is about an hour away.  I live with a 38 year old fireman and his family.  His wife is 28, only 3 years older than me, and I am expected to call her mom.  This is gonna be weird.  They have three kids which I hear are the best kids in town and the ones to usually take the group to the waterfall.  Life is good and I am looking forward to these next 10 weeks of training.

Training is going to be full of activity.  We have 4 hours of language training and a few hours of technical training.

Finally found the person I’ve been looking for.  His name is Alan.  I’ll try and post up a pic of him when I can, but at this point, I don’t have a single shot of him.  We spent a few hours yesterday talking about life and faith, and engaged in a very very productive dialog about the existance of God with my up-to-now roommate Tim.  Both are very good guys that I look forward to getting to know well.

There are so many thoughts that rush through my mind regularly.  Can I really do this?  Is this how I really want to spend the next two years?  Will my sermon a day be enough?  Am I going to be miserable in this weather?  Etc…

Well, we can only wait to see.  At this point, I know that I am committed, and usually, when I commit to something, I see it through.  These two years will become one rapidly slow two years that I am sure will both stretch us and make us want to jump off buildings at times.  But I find solace and comfort in knowing that we have one life to make it count.  Kairos instead of Chronos…

To my parents:  I love you both so much and am so grateful for all that you have given me and allowed me to experience.  My travels around the world (30+ countries) and living in 8 different places in the world has given me a deep appreciation for global missions and social justice.  My variety of educations in traditional and non-traditional ways have been gold to me.  You have allowed me to learn that much of social protocol is nothing more than ego working to protect itself and that its better to dive into relationships head first than not.  Your love throughout the years have been the sustainance and example that I hope to emulate as I live.  You have been the biggest human contributors to the person I have become, and for that, I thank you eternally.

To my sister, Amy:  You are so precious and I can’t wait to hear you talk my ear off again.  Everything you are going through both anticipated and not, will only make you a stronger and prepared person for all that God has in store for you.  Find faith in difficulties and depend on God for everything.  Congradulations on your job as the best nurse in the world and don’t ever forget how much I love you.  I miss you so much!

To all my friends:  Show me your love and write me people!  Miss you all, can’t wait to see you face to face when some of you visit.

To Alan’s family:  You have a great son and brother and I look forward to getting to know him well.  You should be very proud of the man that he is (even though he went to art school… haha… just kidding).  May you find yourselves blessed and please keep up with my blogs and write often.  They are my life support as well.

Day two complete.

I don’t even know where to begin with this one.  There are so many things going through my mind that I forget where to start and when to stop at times.  My life is much more different than what I expected it to be.   I am looking for some Christians on my team, but I can’t find anyone that is really serious about it.  We played a game during staging where people had to write down on a paper the ending to the phrase, “I am…” and only one person wrote Christian.  I wrote, “I am… awesome.”

We arrived in Panama yesterday and are staying at a place called the City of Knowledge.  It’s really cushy, with A/C and flushing toilets (which I clogged because I didn’t realize we weren’t supposed to put the paper in the toilet).   Our beds are nice and we sleep six to a villa.  The first day, we sat through a million lectures and met our Assistant Peace Corps Directors, Director, and a few others.  Our director’s name is Peter and he seems like a laid back nice guy.  I think someone’s name is Dave, but I don’t remember his exact title; it might be Assistant Director (he’s also nice).  From there, we have training staff that is led by Raul and our Project Managers named Zach and Tim (I think).  Raul is awesome.  He is a local Panamanian that took a job with the Corps a little while back.  They told us he was the most organized person ever, and I think that description is true.  He can organize the continental shelf if they allowed him to.  In fact, they say that if everyone in Panama were like him, then Panama would send volunteers to the US.  I’d also agree with that too.

Then there are our project managers.  Tim I don’t know so well, but he reminds me of someone I can’t quite put my finger on.  He’s a really nice guy with a lax personality that I get relaxed from hanging out with him.  Zach is my direct up.  He just took this job and has been doing training for quite some time now.  Totally my type of guy (heterosexually).  He does a good job of listening to us, and his experiences with the Corps gives him this sympathetic empathy that I really appreciate.  Plus, he has at some point realized the importance of leadership and development that he has taken an intentional interest in the subject.  I am thankful that he is my project manager because I’d probably think of most others as incompetent.

Today, we had our interviews and sector breakdowns.  My group has 16 people and six of us are guys, the other ten are obviously, women.  It’s a good group.  I told Alex that I would give her a shout out in this blog so I will – SHOUT OUT.  Alex is an interesting gal.  She is a vegan from I think the Boston area.  She looks a lot like Amy Smart and is a good size (height wise) – oh, I’d say she’s around 5’11”.  She’s taking her Master’s while doing the Peace Corps and has an endless supply of sarcasm and small bursts of excitement.  I was happy when she told me she kept up with my blogs, so here’s to you, Alex!  Oh, she plays the banjo (see below).

After our interviews, we got Yellow Fever shots and then had to take a swimming test. We learned how to turn our jeans into floatation devices by tying the pant legs together and somehow getting air into the jeans.  It worked really well.  Afterwards, we had dinner, watched a few people play basketball and then here I am, chillin in the A/C.  I told Alex that I would go play cards with her so I don’t have much time to write.
But this experience is surreal.  It’s really like the Real World and Man v. Wild in one (wait, isn’t that like the show Survivor?).  Most likely I won’t have a toilet and am pretty much guaranteed no hot water.   Wish me luck finding A/C.  One guy widdled a toilet seat out of Teak wood and uses that on top of his 5 gallon bucket for a toilet seat.  I, today, clogged my toilet because I didn’t realize that we weren’t supposed to flush the toilet paper down the toilet drain.  Yes folks, I have clogged my first Panamanian toilet.  I still don’t know what to think of the entire experience except the fact that all my teammates think I am the most excited guy who loves to give high fives and smile all the time.  Little do they know about what I bring to the table or what my competencies are really.  And that is probably the case for all of us, we all really don’t know what each other is bringing down to Panama.  Well, these next two years should bring about some good solid friendships, hardships, and pirate ships (I didn’t really say that did I?).

It’s going to be difficult swallowing this new idea of normal, where we never feel clean, are always sweating, and have no idea what the Panamanians are really thinking, but it should be a good time regardless.

One life.  Making it matter.

Well, here we are in the airport, bags packed and ready to rock and roll.  Things still seem to be surreal and no one really feels like we are really going.  Yea, we have our tickets in hand, and everyone is chillin in the lobby, but we don’t feel like we are really going anywhere.  I should probably post some pictures up, but I am way to tired to do it and I feel like we were told to fall asleep in exhaustion for only 15 minutes.

Do me a favor and let me know if you read this.  If you do, then somehow, send me a signal.  I can see signal fires from Panama.

We were asked to wake up at 5:30a for a 12p flight.  The logic in that is that we must be incompetent travelers who don’t know what we are doing.  C’mon, I’m sure that anyone who joins the Peace Corps or at least the majority of those who go have already been outside the country.  Even when I let a travel group, we would always just make the flight in time – without fail.

I feel like for the next few minutes, we wont have any alone time to myself so I try and escape into my iPod.

Well, they are calling us out.

I’ll miss all of you!  Take Care and write often.  I’ll try to write as soon as I get in.

Lovely.

One life.

My last night in Miami…

We are headed out tomorrow.  Right now, I think I am so drained and exhausted from all that has been going on that all emotions have fled me.  I can’t feel anything.

Yesterday, we met at 1:30p.  My roommate’s name is Tim Burke and he is a newly graduated volunteer from Rice University.  He is doing environmental health and I am doing community economic development.  Most of my team are women and most of my team doesn’t have as much experience as I had thought they would as they just graduated college.  I’m sure that everyone has something unique to offer in both motivation and competence though.  There are, however, factors which make me wonder what I am doing here at times, especially the ambiguity of the work.  But we will see.  But yesterday, we spent the majority of the day in training until about 7 then ate dinner at the Sand Bar in Coconut Grove.  Afterwards, we went to swim in the pool.

Today, we had to meet at 8:30a.  It was early and we spent a long day in training.  After training, we went to South Beach and ate at the Big Pink in South Beach.  A few of us went into the water and it was incredible.  It reminded me of my times in Thailand and Barcelona.  The water was incredible and was laced with the most intense clouds by which rain poured for a good half hour.

We leave for Panama tomorrow, 36 of us, evenly split down the middle.  We have yet to figure out what we will be doing, but there is an intensity in the air as we all wait for what is to come.

Panama, here I come!

One life.

I’m really doing it.

I spent all day packing yesterday and I think that I am ready to go (thanks Judy for helping… no… packing all my clothes and putting them into three huge boxes).  I think that if I didn’t do it yesterday, that I would’ve died today and tomorrow from the stress.

I am leaving in 3 days and every minute seems to be crashing into the next minute.  This morning, i woke up and with a relief, was glad that I would be having breakfast with my sister.  I love our times together and cherish them when I get them.  Then I am in for a full day that I don’t even want to begin to explain.  *sigh*

I have too much to put into my bags and have to, once again, take things that I think I will use over the next 2 years out.  I have already started an emergency box full of clothes just in case I find that I am in need of it.  This is crazy.

The weight limit is about 80 lbs, and I am certain that both of my bags have already surpassed them.  I wonder how this whole thing will work.  Sheesh, this is going to be one crazy ride.

I think of the people I will miss and I am sad.  I will miss some pivotal moments in their lives, some great experiences, and possibly, some life altering decisions… *sigh* once again.

Well, my sister is ready to go eat!  Time to leave~

I wonder often if I will begin my countdown until I get home as soon as I get comfortable in Panama.  It’s hard to imagine that I wouldn’t, but then again, it’s hard to imagine that I would as long as I was being productive and feeling like I was fulfilling some sort of purpose out there.

But I needed to spend some time with my parents before I went, and I did it ALL on their terms.  I just sat with them as they would do their thing and anytime I could steal a comment or a conversation, I did.  With my dad, we got new cell phone services, went to the bank, and ran business errands as usual.  With my mom, I just sat with her as she helped our houselady do some food preparation.  Then my dad left for one of his meetings (I think he is part of some underground movement).  My mom keeps telling me of how wonderful I am and how I never give her any stress.  I thank God for those comments as they are food for my soul. 

As I was sitting with my mom, we began to discuss the incredible blessings that I have been able to come by in traveling.  Not many people can say that they traveled as much as I have, and less people can say they did it with a good friend.  But it’s all the more amazing, when your mother didn’t know that you have been to the pyramids of Giza or the Colliseum in Rome.  There is a definite hole in the communication chain there.

It was fun though, to show my mom the videos of my travels and I look forward to updating her as time goes on.

10 days and counting.  I’m so excited that I want to pee in my pants.  Ok, maybe just a little squirt…

That was gross.

One life, making it count.