Ironically, I need a vacation right now.

Somebody vacation me~

It’s funny when something good happens that you can feel both happy and sad at the same time. I’m in that moment right now.

Wow, it’s been six months since we’ve all arrived here. The entire group is here at a conference center for this week and its a world of a difference. People have experienced much and the frustrations are juicy, but I am truly amazed at how much my fellow 62ers love their sites and their life here. Its really inspiring.

The Peace Corps experience for me has been amongst the hardest for several reasons, but through an insight from my APCD Zach, I have finally realized why I was being so self centered (when my reasons for coming here were to selflessly sacrifice). It was an incredible conversation actually that really helped me adjust the subtle negativity in my mind. Most of the time, I felt bad, and actually stupid for thinking the way I did as I reflected on my own life lying in a puddle of sweat because the ceiling fans at the conference center were facing the wrong direction and blowing air upwards instead of down.

But this week, without it being directly tied to the training, has brightened my perspective on things. I’m actually really impressed by the volunteers in my group. We have a very bright and intelligent group of people that seem to stand out. Plus, the fact that only two of the group has left seems incredible to me (I’m sure that I was on top of the list of candidates to jet as well, but I stuck it through~). As I sat the first day listening to the stories of the people, the struggles, the projects, and the methods/approaches people were taking, I realized how incredible each day must be for each of the people in my group. One girl is facing an opportunity to start a yogurt factory, another one is working on 10 business plans, one guy is working with fisherman, some are doing environmental health work (CEDers are super volunteers that can pretty much do everything), one of the girls is working with old men who don’t really want to work, and another is working with someone who got their master’s from the US. Every story is so different and after hearing what they are doing, I really appreciated what they (we) were doing here in Panama with the Peace Corps. I think the thing that I enjoyed most from every single person in my group was that they were really enjoying their service and wouldn’t want to be anywhere else in the world. It was very inspiring.

This life is the road less traveled and I think that at the end of it, we will have added to the footsteps that have paved the way for us to be here. I’m humbled especially by the pioneers who really hacked through the raw jungles and scorched their feet on virgin deserts for us to be able to do our own Peace Corps service. I wonder at times what this might’ve looked like if no one said ‘yes’ to J. Kennedy in Michigan where the vision for the Corps began.

I heard an incredible statistic. We are the cheapest form of foreign service that the US has and considered to be the best bang for the buck. It costs an average of $35,000 a year to have a volunteer here in the Peace Corps. That includes everything from our wages to our health care to the office staff support and beyond. Guess how much it costs for a foreign service officer in the US. Yearly, $450,000 on average. Both are absolutely needed, but man, they are really getting a lot out of us. I think its time for a raise.

Daily I still struggle with the idea of being here, but daily I am grateful for the experience as well. Learning to, as Jim Kouzes says at the end of every letter and e-mail, “Love ‘em and Lead ‘em”

21 short months left!

I got evacuated yesterday. Well, the honest truth is, I begged, borrowed, and dealt my way out. Here’s how.

In the middle of a stress fest. I have so much tension that I have no idea how to deal right now. Luckily, I got out of site before I literally started acting like a plant and threw myself in the river’s rapids to see where nature took me. Island fever is real folks, don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.

This is what happened yesterday:

It has been raining FOREVER! The days were miserable as I observed the annoying rains that flooded the town, AGAIN. Fortunately, around 4:00p the rain stopped for about 20 minutes. Unfortunately, I was soaking wet from the 2 hours of rain that ended 20 minutes before. From a distance, I hear a thwap, thwap, thwap, thwap, thwap getting louder and louder. The entire community has been asking me when the helicopter was going to come and rescue me. I told them never and asked them where they got that idea. They told me that I left on a helicopter last time. They love to hallucinate. Last November, I was evacuated by a small Geo (remember those?) mini-suv that I never thought would make it through the flooded roads. At the same time I left on the Geo, the regional “representative” (sort of like a senator), flew in with his helicopter and took off at the same time. So my community assumed that I flew away and abandoned them in a helicopter. The reality was totally not the perception, but whatever, it’s human nature to assume.

This time around, the perception was actually reality. A helicopter came, dropped food as well as a newscaster. I asked the newscaster from Telemetro if he could take me to Changuinola and he said he had to ask the helicopter pilots. I told him that I was with the Peace Corps, but didn’t have a badge because I lost it in the hustle and bustle of the last flood. I had asked the office several times for it, but they have yet to respond. I could’ve used it this time around.

The pilot didn’t believe me because I had no identification. These little laminated badges really get you far in this country. Anyway, after several minutes back and forth trying to convince them, they decided to say yes. It also didn’t help that most of the community was asking me not to go, but finally the leaders relented and told them that I was with the Peace Corps as well.

A ride that takes me about an hour was done in about 10 minutes. It’s crazy to see your community from the sky. It gives you a whole different perspective. Unfortunately, I didn’t get that privelidge. Instead, we just shot straight to the airport in Changuinola where I took a 5 hour bus ride to David where I am now.

When I got here, I lost $15 at the Casino and fell in love with my dealer. Unfortunately, she’s 19 years old – a little too young for my blood (even though I am in pseudo-love with the 17 year old hapa in my site). Whatever. Like I’m really going to find someone I want to spend a good amount of time with here. Fuggedabouddit. However, on my way to the casino, a guy asked me AGAIN if I was Chinese. I told him I was Korean. He then asked me if I participated in my sport and started to judo chop my nipples and tickle my belly like I was the Pilsbury Dough Boy. I told him that I took Tae Kwon Do when I was young and he seemed to know what it was until he asked me if I was a Tibetan Monk. When I said no, he asked me if I was from Shao Lin. I gave him a look like he was a moron and walked away. He grabbed my arm and asked me for a quarter. I told him that I was going to ask HIM for a quarter. He got quiet and left me alone.

The interesting thing about all this is that this time around, I was a lot more calm, but just as stressed. The combination of rain, being called for help, people asking me for water, and being sought after for information I didn’t have regarding the activities of the larger government, just rained a level of stress that I didn’t need to deal with. I’m exhausted, don’t want to go back to site, and just want to go home for a bit to recharge.

Still ready for work, but something’s changed. I need to figure out if its a good change or not. I’ll let you know.

As for now, I am exhausted. Tomorrow, I take another 5 hour bus ride to a place where we will have our In Service Training with our group. It should be good seeing everyone and hearing their stories. I am giving two talks on leadership; should be interesting.

One life. Tired and about to reenergize!

I am once again on an island. My town has flooded in… again.

The disaster response agency has determined that its bad enough to be put on Red Alert. I just can’t believe several aspects of this thing. They go as follows:

1. The crop farmers will have to wait another month or two AFTER this flood to plant. The water has reached the streets and that means that their land is too muddy – think chocolate pudding soft – to plant again. This is not good news because some of the just planted the minimal seeds they recently received from the government.

2. There will be no food in my town depending on how long this goes. They are planning for another 3 or 4 days of rain, but who knows. Last time they said not to worry and about a hundred people ended up in the school as temporary refugees. Right now, there are 10 people in the school.

3. I just don’t need the added stress. The community has come to consider me a leader in the community – especially the ones who are considered the leaders. That puts my panties in a bunch because I need to get moving. But with the amount of stuff I’ve been doing, I can feel the stress in my shoulder and the front and sides of my head. It’s overwhelming.

4. The kids can’t finish their summer camp. They’ve been waiting for this for almost 2 months, and we have to cut it 2 days short. This is sad because they were learning much needed life skills from basic hygiene to waiting til at least 18 to have sex instead of starting at 11.

So, here I am sitting through this nonsense, the water coming out of the pipes is brown so my toilet looks like I’m constantly leaving remnants of my stomach’s activities to remind everyone of the mess I’m in. Yeap. One of my community members decided to stay up all night and walk back and forth from one end of the “island” to the other. He counted the minutes at 8. Last time the floods came, we were down to about 6 minutes at a slow pace.

On a positive note, I’m just chillin’ here with disappointed kids and the volunteers who helped out for the summer camp we put on for the kids – really, they pretty much ran the whole darn camp. Talk about sustainability! They might not need me here anymore. They can pretty much run things on their own now. I think my work here is done!

On a random note, is it bad that I have a boy crush on a 17 year old girl? Of course I am going to keep my distance, but she is a Hapa (half indigenous [Kuna} and half Latina), really smart for her age, good with people, and fairly attractive. Ok, she has nice eyes and you know how much I love purdy eyes. Ahhhh… what the fat am I talking about. Fuggeddaboud it. She is out of my brain waves.

I need to get into a marraige.

OK, I’m delirious time to go walk the road. The community leaders are looking for me. I told you I’m the boss of La Mesa.

One life. Getting flooded in.

Ok, it’s been raining for 3 days straight and last night was a doosy (is that even a word?)

Rain just started pouring out of the sky and through my roof. Which obviously indicates to me that I have a leaky roof problem. Greaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat.

I’m freezing the bugs that have been living in my skin off just by standing outside, but in lieu of that, I’m also freezing. I have some crazy goosebumps and I am just enduring it like the MAN I am.

I just talked to the Emergency Response/Disaster Relief agency here in Panama called SINAPROC and they are forecasting another flooding here. This time, it sucks even more because of nonsensical reality that we lost about 8-10 feet of river wall/bed in the last flood. Who knows what this is going to be like. All I know is, it pretty much looks like we are back at square one – this reminds me of the November flood.

On the weather report, I see four more days of flooding – today is our 3rd day. That means we have 11 days of rain in a row. The floods came on the 5th day last time. Uhhhhh… Yea, let’s just hope that the predictions this time around don’t come true. I do NOT want to deal with another fricking flood: no. thank. you. I should’ve left when I had the chance, but the amount of work I’ve had and the flow I’ve been working with has given me more than enough reason to just finish out what I’ve been doing here. Unfortunately, however, my efforts to finish are left unsatisfied because I still have to get out of here anyway. That really sucks.

On a positive note, I am going to be taking a short break at what we call: in-service-training. That means all the volunteers get together to relive our first three months in site. Pretty nifty. That is, if I find a way out of this watery mess~

One life. What the heck am I doing here!?